PG

Bumper Stickers

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"Eat right, stay fit, die anyway"

"I'm not a brat. Am not, am not, am not!

I love animals, they taste great!

Earth First! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

"Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes"

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.

Assassins do it from behind.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

I don't suffer insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

Few women admit their age. Men act theirs.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

All generalizations are false, including this one.

"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine

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Submitted on: 5 August 1997 by Ed Brekel
Joke ID: 81

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