* Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
* The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
* You keep repeating yourself.
* You keep repeating yourself.
* Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D.
* Your children begin to look middle-aged.
* Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.
* You look forward to a dull evening.
* Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."
* You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
* You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
* Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.
* You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.
* Your back goes out more than you do.
* You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
* You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
* You keep repeating yourself.
* You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
* People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
* You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
* You wear black socks with sandals.
* You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV.
* You got cable for the Weather Channel.
* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
* You keep repeating yourself.
* You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
* You keep repeating yourself.
* You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
* Most women you know under 40 put you in the "Friend of my Father" class.
* You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
* The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
* You have more hair in your ears and nose than on your head.
* You keep repeating yourself.
* You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
* Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time.
* You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
* You sing along with the elevator music.
* You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and
go for the rocker.
* You are proud of your lawn mower.
* Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.
* Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
* Your classmates at your reunion think you're one of their former teachers.
* Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
* You keep repeating yourself.
* People don't harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap.
* Your relatives longingly refer to your things as your "estate."
And the Webite That Started It All
