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Selected Beer Quotes From History

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields

Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
--His reply

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
--Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the
time and have the time of your life.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not!

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer
shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

One more drink and I'd be under the host.
--Dorothy Parker

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
--Dave Barry

When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I
have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly
over half that quantity of beer.
--Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry's Bad Habits, Dave Barry

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for
example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry

My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that
workouts cut into my drinking time.
--A Wolverine is Eating My Leg

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart

Draft beer, not people!

Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig
wouldn't eat.
--David Geary

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to
pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI