Helpful Tips


Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).

If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.


Rate This Joke
 
Share With Friends
 
Rated: 2.9 out of 5 Stars / Views: 16,196 / Votes: 4,730 / Shares: 4
 

Submitted on: 14 March 1999 by Mary Beth
Joke ID: 1813


Report an Issue


Select Issue Category:
Describe the Issue:
(Note each item page has an ID located on the page, please use this ID if the issue is specific to a particular item.)
Your Name: *Optional
Your Email: *Optional

Send Email to a Friend


Your Name:
Send to Email: *Separate multiple email addresses with a semicolon
Add a message:

 

ReallyFunny Family of Websites

ReallyFunnyCats.com
ReallyFunnyDogs.com
ReallyFunnyPets.com
ReallyFunnyAnimals.com

 

 

And the Webite That Started It All


FunnyEmail.com