Things To Live Your Life By


A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You have the right to remain silent, please consider it.

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Submitted on: 17 September 1998 by Suzanne Buescher
Joke ID: 679


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