How do I set my laser printer on stun? How is it possible to have a civil war? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons? If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Is a castrated pig disgruntled? Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"? Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? What happens when none of your bees wax? Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away? Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?
