I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.
Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places.
Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the hell is the ceiling?!"
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will show you a man who can't get his pants off!
Motherhood: Another reason why we need God's constant help.
Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Having an out of body experience. Back in five.
Time is Nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
If at first you don't succeed, to heck with it.
Do unto others, then run...
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
It's gonna be like threading a needle with a haystack.
My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there...
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted...
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
Not one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
I put the "fun" in dysfunctional.
All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen.
Does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?
My Reality Check bounced.
I get plenty of exercise -- jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
The Truth is Out There. So what are you doing Here?!
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
Does vacuuming count as Aerobic Exercise?
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
You are here: X
There's no speed limit on the Information Superhighway.
Sweat is nature's way of showing you your muscles are crying.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Just remember, no matter where you go, there you are. (Dad used to say this.)
It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
Men don't roar, women roar. Then they throw heavy objects.
There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 1) Never tell everything you know.
Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you...
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
When I get to where I'm going, will somebody please tell me where I am?
Motherhood: the longest guilt trip you'll ever take.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will Whiz on your computer.
Someday we'll look back on a
And the Webite That Started It All
