What's the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. ------------------------------------------------- What's the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him. -------------------------------------------------- When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realizes that he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker. --------------------------------------------------- What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality. --------------------------------------------------- What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own. ----------------------------------------------------- What's an auditor? Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. ------------------------------------------------------- There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't. ------------------------------------------------------ What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room? Refusing to fill out the guest comment card. ---------------------------------------------------- How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him up, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way. ---------------------------------------------------- What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone. ---------------------------------------------------- What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation. ----------------------------------------------------- An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. ----------------------------------------------------- An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." Have you tried counting sheep?" That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
